An open letter to happiness

Dear happiness,

I have been trying to find you and hold on to you since always, as far as I can remember. I think you’re moody, you can’t just show up when you feel like it, okay? Fine! Call it even, I won’t be moody too, I won’t work for you only when I feel like it. But you were simpler to find when I was younger, I wonder what happened between us.

I remember being five when you were there in the littlest of things, the swing at the park, the chocolates mom used to bring home and the footsteps of dad coming up the stairs after work. And the minute I couldn’t find you I would sit on the floor, throwing the wildest tantrums begging for you to come back again, and there you were again in something little, like my brother tickling me in the middle of my tantrum and me fighting him back. Why did I stop doing that? When did I stop fighting to find you?

I grew older and so did you, the idea of you was different to me, at 14 you were changing fast and so was I. Sometimes, you were there in things like the boy I liked smiling back at me or me getting the best grades in the class. I started finding you in newer and unexpected ways like listening to Taylor Swift or skipping a class in college to hang out with my friends in college. We had a weird relationship, sometimes you were gone for days, even months, and damn, you were nowhere close to be found during the time of those end semester exams! Sometimes people left my life and you went away with them for a while but you came back again with someone new, someone better.

I graduated, and the goals I was always told to accomplish, that supposedly were meant to bring you closer to me did not seem to do that. I was confused and angry, after all this time, I still couldn’t find you! It took some thinking but I finally realized that the five year old me had a point. The five year old me found you in the littlest of things because she was carefree and she had you within herself. So, yes, I have been trying to channel that kid for a while. I mean I don’t throw tantrums like her anymore but I try to spread a little bit of you in the people around me and you always seem to multiply and come back to me. I now find you in the littlest things again, like a walk with my dog or a perfect cup of coffee in the mornings or making someone smile, and you know what, I think it’s alright to say that I will always have a way to find you now.

Regards,

A happy person